Hate Meditation? Insight Timer might change your mind.

I don’t know about you, but meditation can be difficult for me at times.   I recently discovered the “Insight Timer” app and love it.  It is crammed with phenomenal meditations which aid me in handling with my worries and stress in more positive ways. Here are three that I found truly heartening and stimulating.   All of them are done by Sarah Blondin.

Learning To Surrender

Very sweet, uplifting and encouraging meditation.  This one is also about letting go of worry but with the added dimension of strengthening the listener’s faith that the universe is working towards their good.   Her descriptions and soothing voice transport you to a world of new clarity.

Link Here:  https://insighttimer.com/sarahblondin/guided-meditations/learning-to-surrender

Healing Through Letting Go

Another great one by Sarah Blondin.   This one also obviously deals with letting go and surrendering to what life has to offer.   It’s focus is on the healing process that many of us need in our life.

Link here:  https://insighttimer.com/sarahblondin/guided-meditations/healing-through-letting-go

Practicing Gentle Kindness toward Ourself

This presentation, as the title says, helps one practice kindness and self-love towards yourself.   The meditation describes self-compassion and making it  a part of your mental tool kit.

Link Here:  https://insighttimer.com/sarahblondin/guided-meditations/practicing-gentle-kindness-toward-ourself

Posted in acceptance, affirmations, healing, Insight Timer | Tagged , | 4 Comments

4 Ways to Crush the Anxiety That is Jacking Up Your Life.

My anxiety slammed into me yesterday like a speeding truck hitting a wall.  Every worry that I had in the world crawled over me like a bunch of spiders.  Concerns about money, relationships, work raced through my head.   Thankfully, I was able to do some things to feel slightly better until I went to bed.


I went for a nice long walk with my friend Steve.  He kindly allowed me to share all of the worries that were on my mind and gave me some advice.   Steve is kind, supportive, and an all-around good friend.  He knows anxiety plagues a lot of my thoughts and gives me room to share and heal.



I got on the phone and started calling people.  From close friends to older friends I hadn’t talked to in a while.   Just hearing their voices and knowing that I have them in my life was a positive.  Also, several of them were facing some of the same, if not worse, anxieties, I was facing.   I don’t wish my anxieties on anyone, but knowing that others are in the same boat, makes me feel a part of the world – not separate from it.



I watched several things that made me laugh, like South Park, Bob’s Burgers, and Superstore on Hulu.  Even though it can be hard to laugh when the weight of the world is one you, even letting out a few chuckles can equal a victory.



When I’m anxious, I often do not want to eat much.  As Steve and I were coming back from our walk, I stopped at the store and got some dinner and fruit.  As much as I did not want to eat that food, I did.  And guess what – I felt better.   I have to remember to take care of myself or I will eventually feel worse in the end.


Posted in afraid, Battling Anxiety, Depression, exercise, facing fear, walking | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Let Some Dreams Go Yesterday

Yesterday I let some of my big dreams go.  While driving in the car, crying,  I let go of my dreams of being a comedian and an actor.   They are not going to happen. I kept screaming “God, help me. God, help me” as I released them into the ether.  It was like pushing a baby out of my soul.


My soul felt shredded like a carrots in food Ninja.  I felt crushed and full of anguish.  Tears just rushed down my face.  I had a deep and long cry.  About an hour later, I was slightly better.  In a small way it seems to have freed me.

I was kept trapped in the expectations of those dreams.    I was tearing myself up for not working towards or achieving those goals.   By letting go of them, I hope that I am now able to let God/The Universe/Higher Power move me along toward the dreams that I really need to be working towards.

Today,  I think I can accept that.

Posted in acceptance, dreams, letting go, midlife crisis, new reality, reassessing | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The Last 20 Percent/Peace In My Soul

I haven’t written a lot on this blog lately.  That’s for several reasons. I’ve had several things on my plate.    Work is keeping me busy.   I’m seeing someone.   Great guy.  We’ve been on 3 dates.  Not sure if he’s the one but he’s a good man. But there’s a bigger reason for my absence.

There’s some depression floating around my spirit and I’m trying to get it sorted out.   My mood seems “off” – if that makes any sense to anyone.   Stuff that I used to or should enjoy I don’t get excited about.   Dreams and goals that I want to do seem to die on the twin vines of fear and anxiety.   There are times I fight just to smile.  People tell jokes and the humor doesn’t phase me at all.   I’m not grateful for anything.  All of these for me are troubling signs.  I try hard to remember to be grateful because my life could always be much worse.

In reality I don’t know what the hell I should be feeling.  I accept that euphoria will never be my ever-present friend.  But dammit, I think I should feel a little happier than I do.  I’d like to smile when I come to work.   I’d like to feel happiness when I see and interact with my friends.   I’d like to feel some peace in my soul for change.

I have a therapy appointment next week and then see my psychiatrist on the first.  I’m keeping a mood chart, which is interesting to review as I track moods, medications, etc.


Posted in anhedonia, bipolar, Depression, fighting, gratitude, happy, Mental Health, moody, Therapy, writing | Leave a comment

Ready for my walk!

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Self-Doubt Is Killing Me Today

I’m in a mood, people.  Everything thing I think about seems to go down this negative hole in my soul.  If I think of something positive to do with myself, my self-doubt immediately attacks and destroys it.   I’m fighting hard against it but is tough today.  I have friends who have been supportive and encouraging but their support is not enough to override my own feelings.   I hate feeling this way.  It’s brutal.

What are the positive things I’m thinking about?  Starting a movie review blog.   Starting a podcast about movie reviews.  Looking for a new job.  All reasonable things, right.

My self-doubt is just in my head today and it won’t go away.

That’s where I am today people.  I just needed to get it out there.



Posted in Battling Anxiety, bipolar, Depression, encouragement, facing fear, fighting, Keep fighting, Mental Health, moody, sadness, self-doubt, voice | Tagged , | 1 Comment

You Down? Trust Titus Andromedon

Today I just need some humor from Titus Andromedon to keep me from losing my mess.  Here are some of my favorites quotes from “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”.   When I get in a funk, laughter is great medicine.







Posted in humor, joyous, laughter, Titus Andromedon, walking | Tagged , | Leave a comment